I went for a beautiful walk today, it was early morning and I climbed a steep hill and looked out at all that was below; that which I cannot see when I am surrounded by it. The view was beautiful. It could have been a really peaceful walk, I could have walked and breathed the fresh air, and taken in the beauty of the landscape, the moss growing on the trees and the bunnies hopping by......
But no, a massive helicopter flew by so close to the ground that the earth itself shook, trees trembled and birds flew for cover, it swooped around me in a circle and then flew off. Ok, that would have been fine on it's own but it sparked off a massive debate, which led to me having a complete melt-down about the way I feel about being alive. I think I may have got to the root of my past negative habitual way of thinking. Underneath and underpinning all of my thinking and beliefs about life both trivial and deep lies a thought, a belief, which I believe generates much of my negative thoughts all by itself. Everything I think and do is marred by or edged with that one belief which I have held ever since I can remember: and that one belief frames me as a VICTIM!
Actually it's an enormous relief to have rooted out that belief, and it seems to me that it has come about through my work at discarding my old negative thought patterns, in favour of consciously CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS. It seems like a funny irony that upon actively thinking positively for so long that all the really negative stuff from my subconscious is bubbling up to the surface. Poignantly contrary!
However even though it is in direct contradiction to my underlying belief that I am some sort of victim, I have no desire to be a victim, I have no interest in being a victim, so it is now extremely important to me to drop that belief, to discard it, to root it out, chop it off and be completely done with it!!!!!
I have a new mission to add onto my existing one (to learn to choose positive feeling thoughts, to enjoy winter, and above all to learn the secret of being happy with life exactly the way it is right now): to rid myself of the limiting belief that I am somehow a victim.
I CHOOSE TO EMPOWER MYSELF. I choose to find a way to heal my childhood belief. I choose FREEDOM. I choose good feeling thoughts and good feeling ways of being.
If I spend the rest of my life thinking that I am a victim of something, what does that really mean? The opposite to being a victim to me is to be in control, and if control is an illusion (I cannot really control anything, the only thing that I know for sure is that at some point my body will die!), then the opposite of being a victim it is to be in the driving seat. I am the captain of my ship, and just like in the sea I may not be able to steer an exact precise course, but I can certainly choose the direction and which countries I would like to visit. I can choose whether to course the dark stormy atlantic or to cruise through the turquoise mediterranean or to just get stuck in the doldrums.
I think this is a break through point and an opportunity to move into a new paradigm. May I come SHINING THROUGH INTO THE SUNLIGHT!!!
I give thanks today for the moment that I awoke
I give thanks for the sun which is always out there behind the clouds
I give thanks for the things which appear to be bad but turn out to be greater than great
I give thanks for my children's laughter
I give thanks for hail stones in the sunshine
I give thanks for the spirit of medicinal plants
I give thanks for the coming of spring
I give thanks for the promise of spring flowers
I give thanks for the turning of the seasons
I give thanks for fennel tea